terracotta tiles

Have you ever collapsed on the bathroom floor?
Answer: Yes. Many times.

***

Not one of the prettiest nights in my life. It's not as dramatic as they show it on the movies. It's messy. Awful. And anyone who doesn't have to go through it shouldn't. I can name a few places. The GRH isolation room, the now defunct Daddy Fat's, my house, the GRH, the acad building at Pisay. They all had bathrooms. They all had mirrors. Movie actresses are beautiful people. That's why they look dramatically wonderful as they break down or try to kill themselves. That's not how it is. I have very dizzy images of my face in the mirror, the terracotta tiles, vomit, and things i know i shouldn't have with me. I didn't cry at all times. That would be too dramatic. Just a jaded feeling of trying to hide. And trying to pretend. I remember how i was able to conceal my presence at the acad building's CR by propping myself up against the walls using my feet and my back. I just realized It would've been easier to bring my knees up as I sat on that toilet bowl cover. But then, again, when you're sprawling on the floor, you don't think of the most logical actions. I remember having smiles on my face, smug smiles, drunken smiles, sad smiles, pretend smiles. Smiles nonetheless. I always have to get away. Bathrooms make it perfect for me to do that. Bedrooms are too painful. You see things that are a part of you no matter how much you try to deny them. You end up throwing them. In bathrooms, you get to choose what you bring.. If not, the only things you do have are the things you have in your pocket. A wallet. A phone. A comb. Nothing too painful unless you open them. Different situations, different reasons. Some selfish, some aren't.

One thing they all had in common though. I always get up, turn on the tap, wash my face, and leave.

Credits:depokol@deviantart.com