"Those who fight monsters should take care that they never become one. For when you stand and look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
Familiar? That's Nietzsche for you. (Would somebody please get me a copy of his book "Thus Spoke Zarathustra"??) I've read quotes from that book. Just bits and parts of it, and I fell in love.. It's crazy how right he is.
"I tell you: one must have chaos within oneself, to give birth to a dancing star."
I have chaos. Doesn't everybody? We all have those little demons that haunt us. Little ghosts that we try to cover up for. I'm sick of it.
I don't think I'm very good at lying to myself. When I see those pictures, those crazy stupid smiles... I don't go "aww". I don't miss it. Every sad, stupid, sappy part of it. I don't miss it as much as they do. I don't think I will. No matter how much I try to romanticize it. I'm not bitter. I'm sure it was a wonderful experience for some. It was probably the most unforgettable moments in their lives. Well.. In a way it was kind of like that for me. For a while. For the longest while, actually. I thought I was safe. I thought I was happy. Then it took a kid, the perfect match, and a group to point things out to me. I was never contented because I wasn't happy. Yes, that illusion is a reality for some, but for me, it's an illusion. An illusion. I look at my memories and try to pretend it was all happy. Then a voice in my head scathingly responds with "Such lies.". It was nothing short of illusions. Beautiful illusions. I never had them. And I don't think I even want them. They just held me back from what I really wanted. From what I really was supposed to be.
Friendship. True friendship. That's something everyone should have. I found that in people. I thought I found that in some. But apparently pride, self-righteousness and childish ideologies happened to dominate. That's okay. I understand. I'm guilty. But can you, for your sake, get past that? Please? You are a person. Just like the rest of us. And yes. Morality sucks.
*****
I don't think I'm very good at lying to myself. When I see those pictures, those crazy stupid smiles... I don't go "aww". I don't miss it. Every sad, stupid, sappy part of it. I don't miss it as much as they do. I don't think I will. No matter how much I try to romanticize it. I'm not bitter. I'm sure it was a wonderful experience for some. It was probably the most unforgettable moments in their lives. Well.. In a way it was kind of like that for me. For a while. For the longest while, actually. I thought I was safe. I thought I was happy. Then it took a kid, the perfect match, and a group to point things out to me. I was never contented because I wasn't happy. Yes, that illusion is a reality for some, but for me, it's an illusion. An illusion. I look at my memories and try to pretend it was all happy. Then a voice in my head scathingly responds with "Such lies.". It was nothing short of illusions. Beautiful illusions. I never had them. And I don't think I even want them. They just held me back from what I really wanted. From what I really was supposed to be.
Friendship. True friendship. That's something everyone should have. I found that in people. I thought I found that in some. But apparently pride, self-righteousness and childish ideologies happened to dominate. That's okay. I understand. I'm guilty. But can you, for your sake, get past that? Please? You are a person. Just like the rest of us. And yes. Morality sucks.
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