in case you're wondering

i thought it was time for this kid to move on to a new playground. 

Remember the Tumlbr account I mentioned before? 

Yeah. [[ paigepaigepaige.tumblr.com  ]] so I will still be using this acoount to comment on all my blogger friends but I won't be updating this as much as before. 

I love you still,Blogger. :] ♥♥♥♥♥ <3. 

xoxo,

Paige.

cheat sheet

THE ANSWERS WERE AS SIMPLE AS THESE.

And it sucks that you didn't have them for me.

EVER.

[go ahead. click on it.]

I WILL be paying the guidance counselor a visit.

 It can be defined as an enduring tendency to experience negative emotional states. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger,guilt, and clinical depression.^[1] They respond more poorly to environmental stress, and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification. Neuroticism is related to emotional intelligence, which involves emotional regulation, motivation, and interpersonal skills.^[2] It is also considered to be a predisposition for traditional neuroses, such as phobias and other anxiety disorders.

According to Dr. George Boeree, effects of neurosis can involve:

...anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness,perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc.

Okay. I know one shouldn't trust the internet with their pyschological issues, but I'm convinced more than ever that I'm not just your typical overthinking, pseudo-neurotic teenager and that I really am truly neurotic. Really, honestly, neurotic. I Wikipedia-d my "diagnosis" and I was advised to see the university guidance counselor. 

Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse for my fears/irrational behavior. But a brutally honest friend told me that I happen to be known for pseudo problems/ panicking over nothing/ OVERTHINKING. And yes. I DO overthink. When faced by an issue, I look at every possible angle, this of course, has now spread to NORMAL situations where I fear I'm going to get screwed over. 

Case in point: During important things, like meetings, or important activities, and I'm not present, I always feel like the people involved are pissed at me, or that I HAVE to make up for it or else they'd hate me forever. I ALWAYS feel like I'm being bashed behind my back. Maybe it's my underlying fear of not pleasing people. I have this weird thing where I want everybody to be happy with me, and anything that might go against that throws me completely off-track. I fret about it for days on end and I end up being unhappy or depressed about theoretical situations.

This of course would most likely lead to a paranoid personality disorder and that's one other thing I have to worry about. 

Conclusion: I. WILL. SHUT. MY. PIEHOLE. EXCEPT. AT. THE. GUIDANCE. COUNSELOR'S. OFFICE.

Why? Because I think I'm annoying people with my stupid problems when they don't really want to know. And I think I'm losing my friends that way, and that I'm looking at a bleak future where no one would listen to me anymore because I'm SUCH an annoying friend.

Things to do:

(aka Why I'm totally dead meat:)
finish ringing up pledges
make calls/texts to concessionaires and UPBCO

Finalize trainings
find presents for the debutante and godkid
call up dormitory
get a haircut

im the one in high heels

*****

why do i feel like i'm the cheerleader?

[maybe you ought to be with someone else]

crush(ed)

I know. I have a great thing going. And I should feel grateful. 

But after a long time I guess I was still hoping for better answers. 

I guess, if it's not there the first time around, you really shouldn't ask for it. 

I just want a story. But I guess it didn't start out the way I wished it would.

Nagging feeling that it's my fault.

It's like.. I don't know.. Ice cream.

A triple scoop sundae.

You have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

You don't like strawberry, you'd much rather have mint. 

But since Vanilla and Chocolate are your favorites, you don't complain.

The strawberry's at the very bottom anyway.

And besides, you have sprinkles.

And wafers.

And as you keep eating, you get to add more toppings.

You get chocolate syrup.

And cookie bits.

And it's all very nice. 

Some kids get two flavors, and not that many toppings, so you feel remarkably blessed.

But every now and then.. 

You keep looking for mint.

MINT.

It seems shallow to complain.

(LOOK AT ALL YOUR TOPPINGS!)

MARSHMALLOWS.

CHOCOLATE BITS.

But you keep looking for Mint.

Everytime you taste a bit of strawberry, it gets you a wee bit upset.

But you feel bad, why let a tiny bit of strawberry get in the way of other perfectly good toppings, right?

Then you see another kid.

They have mint.

And, maybe, chocolate syrup.

Nothing else.

You feel a teensy bit jealous. 

And guilty.

But you'll keep eating anyway, because if you don't, then that's a bit ungrateful, don't you think?

I wish I had a better story.

And I feel awful and ungrateful.

I keep tasting that damned strawberry.

I'm so sorry.

[It's a GREAT sundae, otherwise.]

 

******

"It took him 9 months to ask her out."

This isn't the fault of some crappy music video.

[I wish it were.]

Something better than that.

Real life.

(i guess that's why it hurts so much)

stripes

That's it. Three hours on the internet. Distracting myself. Not working. I just spent 20 minutes lying on the bed trying to look for traces of you. I found a handkerchief. I wanted your smell. Didn't find any. Maybe in the next room...

zombie attacks and bar fights

Facebook has this app called LivingSocial where they let pick your top five whatevers. From the usual TV shows to "Top five people I want to punch in the face" which btw, I think is very mean. Anyway, I found some I took quite seriously and I found very entertaining. 

Here they are. :]

TOP FIVE THINGS TO HAVE WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!!!

1. Dragonauv SVD- when i found out zombies were involved I automatically thought: GUNS! I picked this one out because I love using it on Hitman. I know it's pretty impracticall to use a sniper rifle for a zombie attack but I prefer shooting them from as far as possible. I knew I should have some handguns ready. But still. I prefer to shoot from buildings or from my...

2. MH-60 Black Hawk-I knew zombies couldn't fly so I thought of this. I'm not sure if they could swim though, but I prefer flying. A private jet would be cool, but come on! What if one of them sneaks on board? Hmmm? Smaller space= easier detection of zombie stowaways. Also, I did some research and found my favorite: the MH-60L Direct action penetrator. According to Wikipedia, "It is capable of being armed with Hellfire missiles, M230 Chain Gun 30 mm automatic cannon, Hydra 70 2.75-inch (70 mm) rockets, as well as M134D gatling guns operated as door guns or fixed forward." It got me at Hellfire missiles. I'm in love. <3

3. Food-duh. How will I survive!?!?

4. GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast bomb (MOAB)- I thought of a nuclear bomb 

but assuming that I'm the only one left or something,how in the world will I pull it off without

getting killed?!? Besides, it's been nicknamed the "Mother Of All Bombs" for a reason. :) One 

major point I overlooked though, I can't carry that on my Black Hawk. Boo.

5. Flamethrower -dude, zombies. FLAMETHROWERS ARE THE WAY TO GO! Have you 

or haven't you seen I am Legend?!? Besides, those zombies are as braindead as I think, then my

flamethrower is so gonna kick ass. Whootwhoot!!

Top Five People I Want On My Side In A Bar Fight.

1. Wolverine-Dude with the Wolverine on your side ho can you lose? Huh? Huh? He's Wolverine!!! Funny. He's the first person I though of when I saw "bar fight". I can just imagine him ripping them to shreds.

2. The Human Torch-First: He's HOT. Second: I have a thing for flamethrowers. Third: I just have a thing for Chris Evans and I'd love to see him whup ass.

3. David Rice-If you haven't seen the movie Jumper, David Rice is, well, a jumper. A jumper has the ability to "jump" from place to place just by thinking about it. I think that's really cool. That's a power I've always wanted. When the bar fight gets ugly, David can get me out of there in a sec. That and Hayden's looking fiiine. :) 

4. Optimus Prime- Okay. OPTIMUS PRIME. At first I wanted The Hulk but OPTIMUS PRIME. I'll type that again. OPTIMUS PRIME! OPTIMUS PRIME! 'Nuff said. YEAH! 

5. Natasha Romanova-I wanted to put in Angelina or a character she played in the movies (because we all know she kicks butt and I love her.) These days however, I'm loving a new girl. It all started when Dom changed his Plurk name. I was distressed for a while then he recomended Natasha Romanoff (or Romanova), aka the Black Widow. Well duh. Martial arts, military and espionage training, complete with hypnosis... What's not to like?!? She's the only one on the list without superpowers or nonhuman characteristics, making her triple cool. Another thing is that she's Russian and rumored to be related to Russia's last czars, oh and an accomplished ballerina at that! She's like Anastacia in a black jumpsuit. Sexy. 

stepped out of the bus

BOYS AND GIRLS SAY HELLO TO SEAN BOURKE.

I've been keeping him to myself for a while.

I decided that it should be a time of giving.

:]

Definition

Describe yourself: .......................................................

I don't think it's possible. AT ALL. There are some people who are lucky enough to be either on one of both: an expert in their field, or a jack of all trades and somehow manage to come out looking unbelievably cool.

I can never, ever, EVER do that. I don't think I even have a field! Which ultimately leads me to the question: "Saan ako lulugar?" 

There are so many aspects in my life that need to be sorted out. AND fast. I don't what I'm doing or who I am EXACTLY. 

There's so much stuff I want to learn. So many things I want to do. So many people I want to be. And the funny thing is, THEY DON'T ADD UP AT ALL.

I love, love, love clothes. But I KNOW I'm not really good at it. It's just something I really love to do.I want to write. I've been writing as far as I can remember, but recently, I felt like I'm losing touch.I LOVE to read. I want to dabble in philosophy. I want to play at being a photographer. I want to be a lawyer. I want to be an archaeologist. I want to read more about politics. I want to learn how to dance. I like going out. I like reading history books and biographies. I like staying in the library forever. I want to be a magazine editor. I want to stlye clothes. I want to travel the world. I want to be a diplomat. I  want to live in New York. I like nerds. Heck, I WANT to be one. I want. Want. Want. 

These are not shallow wants. These are actual dreams. I love doing these things. I want more time. I want to know MORE. I want to be more. But recently I've been feeling like I've been spreading myself to thinly. I'm afraid I never could actually BE something. I want to be ONE PARTICULAR THING. It sucks. I hate it. The TV shows I watch. The things I read. They don't define me. At all. I feel like they're too varied in terms of genre. I could never classify myself as one particular thing.

This is turning out to be a stupid post. What a waste of time.

 

Cat Killing Craziness

Okay. I just read about this and I just have to react. This is crazy. The hype is crazy. And expelling him, or possibly jail? PLAIN CRAZY.

Apparently, a UP student, Joseph Carlo Candare, JC to his friends, killed a cat in front of the NIP (National Institute of Physics) in UP. He made the biggest mistake of his life, however, when he blogged about the incident. To say that hundreds of people were pissed is probably an understatement. Now, PAWS wants him expelled from UP. People are hating on his Multiply site. Bloggers blog about hating him.. Lalalalala...

My reaction? CHILL. I know. I'm kind of disgusted by what he did, but please. EXPULSION? JAIL? Isn't that a teeny tiny bit too much for a cat? He was sorry. He apologized. I understand that some people are furious but can we please step back and look at the bigger picture? Do we really want to destroy a future of something like this? I'm not defending what he did, I know it was wrong. But PLEASE. Can we please be rational about this? This just made me sick in many ways. 

His blog entry:

4th Epic Fail: 

An Accidental Crime. First day sa supercon. Lunch time came. On our way out of old NIP I saw the cat I almost killed last Tuesday. Now everyone knows I hate cats. It's an unexplainable feeling towards them. Like some internal hatred. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit pero anumang pagpipigil sa sarili ay hindi sapat upang mapangibabawan ang panggigil ko sa mga pusa. I pulled it on its tail and threw it. Then like some pro wrestler I jumped on it and my feet landed on it's torso. Slam! Felt good! But the cat didn't die, well not yet. It ran for it's life and just as I was about to catch up on it somebody yelled: "Pwede bang pabayaan mo yung pusa?!". It was instant and involuntary. I stopped on my tracks. Nobody ever stopped me when assaulting cats. Well I guess there's always a first time for everything. The cat got away. Or at least that's what i thought. So we went to lunch Mel, Jayson, Tracy and me. After lunch, balik na sa kung anumang naiwang gawain. Then Tracy and Mel told me " Hui Jc napatay mo yung pusa". Hours later, habang abala sa XRD, a guy came in. Tanong niya: "Sinong pumatay dun sa pusa?" Bang! Dat was me boi. Guilty as charged. I didn't see it die pero sabi ni Myles it coughed up blood or at least something like that daw. Didn't realize I gave it a fatal hit. This isn't the first time I've killed a cat but this time it's different. It didn't occur to me back then that the cat had a leash. So I think somebody owns it. Well it's very well loved in NIP from what I heard and I just ended it's life.

So there you go I'm sorry. And I wont be striking another one for maybe about a month. It feels good when your beating it(a cat) up but you suddenly feel something strange when it turns off permanently. That's how I feel right now. And maybe for the next days. Dang, am I a cat serial killer?

Links: His Multiply Site

    The PAWS letter to the Dean

    One of the MANY hate blogs

Lastly, WHEN YOU JUST KILLED SOMETHING DON'T BLOG ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU'RE BOUND TO PISS PEOPLE OFF, BIG TIME. 

     

Soundtrack bactrack

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and alot of the songs fit with the setting


Opening Credits:
6 Minutes -Jonas Brothers

Comment: Okay. Hahaha. BAGAY. She's the kind of girl you see in the movies.. ;)

Waking Up:
Believe Me Natalie -The Killers
Comment: Weird. Bad morning?

First Day At School:
Sleep -Taking Back Sunday

Comment: Niiiice. Local anesthesia, teases, local anesthesia, teases.... I sound like an emo/punk kid. Sleep oh.. :p

Falling In Love:
Is It Me -Stacie Orrico

Comment: Is It Me? am I so complicated?Is It Me? or is love over-rated?Is It Me? cause I dont quite understand why it never turns out how I thought I planned it..Oh no. Why? This doesn't sound reassuring at all. Is this a Paige-will-be-single-forever kind of thing?

Fight Song:
Pokerface -Lady Gaga

Comment: Mamamama.. HAHAHAHA. Sexy fight song.

Breaking Up:
Fair -Ben Folds Five

Comment: You know you pop into my dreams I just cant get rid of you like you got rid of me...PERFECT! This IS a break-up song. Too upbeat to be a break-up song though. But I'm upbeat.. I think.

Prom:
Turn Swag On -Soulja Boy

Comment: Take a look in the mirror and said wassup...Haha. Perfect rin. This is funny. 

Life:
Big Girls Don't Cry -Fergie
Comment: This was a favorite song for a while. :)

Mental Breakdown:
For You I Will -Teddy Geiger

Comment: What a cute mental breakdown. So sad. Sweet. Pwede.

Driving:
Fastlane -Lindsay Lohan

Comment: Great! Driving in the fast lane. :] 

Flashback:
Ligaya -Eraserheads

Comment: Eheads=surefire flashbacks. WHOOT.

Getting back together:
Here Comes the Sun -The Beatles

Comment: Awww.... Here comes the sun. It's alright...The ice is melting. Good song. <3

Wedding:
Over My Head -The Fray

Comment: Why? This isn't nice. :(

Birth of Child:
Open Your Eyes -Snow Patrol

Comment: Nice one. I want you so much to open your eyes 'cause I need you to look into mine. Really nice. BABYYYYY.. :]

Final Battle:
Don't Be Afraid to Sing -Stars

Comment: Whoa. Too mellow.

Death Scene:
If U Seek Amy -Britney Spears

Comment: Sexy death. HOT. Haha..

Funeral Song:
Do You Wanna -The Kooks

Comment: So NOW it's upbeat. Happy funeral?

End Credits:

The Good Kind -The Wreckers

Comment: Angsty chick. What?!?

I'm buying a sketchbook soon

Dear Blogger, 

I'm sorry but Tumblr let's me do hi-res and you don't. I kinda sorta still love you anyway. 

Love, Paige

Lotsa Skittles ♥

My cousin's lighter looked pretty damned cool I just had to have a picture.

French fries = #1 cure for the munchies

You HAVE to have a sundae when you're eating fries.

Preview back issues optional.

Regardez!

I have comittment issues. Since the Tumblr URL is totally non-committal, I have the tendency to switch URL's on a 18hr basis.  

so here is my new (and hopefully, FINAL URL!)

paigepaigepaige.tumblr.com

paigepaigepaige.tumblr.com

paigepaigepaige.tumblr.com

move along move along

I love blogger and all but there's something about tumblr. So checkout junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com for pictionaries, and whatnots. I'll never stop posting here but my tumblr account will be my hipster alter-ego. So if you wanna play pictionary.. Then click away.

junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com 

junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com 

junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com 

junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com 

junkiesuperstar.tumblr.com 

edit:

Goodness. 

TUMBLR LETS ME UPLOAD SOOONGS!! 

And more! 

Uhm. 

IloveyouTumblr.

But honest to goodness blog entries will be here.

As always.

:]

edit [AGAIN]: URL now defuct! New URL! :))

Shower scene.

hot eh. :)

Mayle

i fell in love with the pretty clothes the first time  laid  my eyes on them, so like the quintessential 17-year old of this generation, i googled Mayle and there it was. I spent the rest of my college days going to thrift shop after thrift shop hunting down clothes that scream "MAYLE!!" I guess Jane Mayle's aesthetic had something in common with mine. I loved every piece she made. Remember my Virgin Suicides fashion moment? Yes. The Lisbon sisters would definitely wear Mayle. However, the line has been discontinued, for reasons purely Jane.

“We knew we didn’t want to reinvest in the neighborhood,” Mayle said of the store’s impending lease expiration,  “…the industry has changed so much, and the little niche we entered when I started the brand, and the demands in this niche have changed, so I asked myself, ‘Do I want to keep participating?’”

I WILL miss Mayle. And I will always be her wingwoman.

Her inspiration board for 08

edit: New photos added

MORE MAYLE!!!

Dear God, 

I want those. Thanks. 

Love, Paige.

****

Okay. 

That was really selfish but they were really gorgeous and I really want them.

So there!