Sunday, May 10, 2009

I WILL be paying the guidance counselor a visit.

 It can be defined as an enduring tendency to experience negative emotional states. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxietyanger,guilt, and clinical depression.[1] They respond more poorly to environmental stress, and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification. Neuroticism is related to emotional intelligence, which involves emotional regulation, motivation, and interpersonal skills.[2] It is also considered to be a predisposition for traditional neuroses, such as phobias and other anxiety disorders.

According to Dr. George Boeree, effects of neurosis can involve:

...anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness,perfectionism, schizoid isolation, socio-culturally inappropriate behaviors, etc.

Okay. I know one shouldn't trust the internet with their pyschological issues, but I'm convinced more than ever that I'm not just your typical overthinking, pseudo-neurotic teenager and that I really am truly neurotic. Really, honestly, neurotic. I Wikipedia-d my "diagnosis" and I was advised to see the university guidance counselor. 

Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse for my fears/irrational behavior. But a brutally honest friend told me that I happen to be known for pseudo problems/ panicking over nothing/ OVERTHINKING. And yes. I DO overthink. When faced by an issue, I look at every possible angle, this of course, has now spread to NORMAL situations where I fear I'm going to get screwed over. 

Case in point: During important things, like meetings, or important activities, and I'm not present, I always feel like the people involved are pissed at me, or that I HAVE to make up for it or else they'd hate me forever. I ALWAYS feel like I'm being bashed behind my back. Maybe it's my underlying fear of not pleasing people. I have this weird thing where I want everybody to be happy with me, and anything that might go against that throws me completely off-track. I fret about it for days on end and I end up being unhappy or depressed about theoretical situations.

This of course would most likely lead to a paranoid personality disorder and that's one other thing I have to worry about. 


Why? Because I think I'm annoying people with my stupid problems when they don't really want to know. And I think I'm losing my friends that way, and that I'm looking at a bleak future where no one would listen to me anymore because I'm SUCH an annoying friend.

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