Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Not yet.

NORMALLY 
...he sends me an SMS that says he'll wait until I'm over it
...he texts me even when I don't want him to anymore.
...he doesn't put down the phone first.
...he doesn't say he "understands" and that he "agrees".
...he calls me the next day anyway


then everything gets fixed and goes away.


None of that happened.



I guess this is it then?

But I'm still staring the phone down hoping for a call.

Or my cellphone for a text.


*****
It's one of those days where I want to be 27 and dating a thirty something French/Italian speaking, boarding school-bred, British artist/writer/doctor who is madly in love with me and has millions in his bank account.

We'd go to all the coolest parties, hang out with the coolest people and he'd buy me diamonds for no reason at all. 

But I'm 17. Heartbroken. And I have to deal with it.

Ten years from now, I hope all this won't make sense to me anymore and I'd look back on this, shake my head and go "Oh, THAT college boyfriend."

******

I didn't even cry today. I'm still in shock. Disbelief.

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