stripes

That's it. Three hours on the internet. Distracting myself. Not working. I just spent 20 minutes lying on the bed trying to look for traces of you. I found a handkerchief. I wanted your smell. Didn't find any. Maybe in the next room...

Not yet.

NORMALLY 

...he sends me an SMS that says he'll wait until I'm over it

...he texts me even when I don't want him to anymore.

...he doesn't put down the phone first.

...he doesn't say he "understands" and that he "agrees".

...he calls me the next day anyway

then everything gets fixed and goes away.

None of that happened.

I guess this is it then?

But I'm still staring the phone down hoping for a call.

Or my cellphone for a text.

*****

It's one of those days where I want to be 27 and dating a thirty something French/Italian speaking, boarding school-bred, British artist/writer/doctor who is madly in love with me and has millions in his bank account.

We'd go to all the coolest parties, hang out with the coolest people and he'd buy me diamonds for no reason at all. 

But I'm 17. Heartbroken. And I have to deal with it.

Ten years from now, I hope all this won't make sense to me anymore and I'd look back on this, shake my head and go "Oh, THAT college boyfriend."

******

I didn't even cry today. I'm still in shock. Disbelief.

Facebook person.

"The perfect girl to be one of those rich, snotty Upper East Side women is definitely Paige. Not that she's snotty, okay. I just think she fits the profile. She is a barbecue stick. Oh wait she was. Now she's got thin strips of barbecue on the stick. Okay, that wasn't an original statement. I love listening to her talk about Paddy because she's so animated. And Paddy sounds adorable. So does his family." - A Facebook note by Rowhe Rodriguez

First of all, Rowhe, thank you. :) I don't know exactly why I fit the profile, but it's flattering to a fault.

To be associated with the Upper East side gets to me in a good way. I take this as a sign. It says Paige, you belong in New York. Im working on that. Really really.

Next would be this...

It gets to me that almost everything Paige-related is ultimately Paddy related as well. And that sucks. Maybe it's my fault for talking about him a lot, but I really can't help it. I promise to shut up about him online or in real life. Unless it's crucial information. Besides, HE'S NOT HERE. He says he reads my blog but he left like, one comment. His "online presence" is mostly thanks to me. I get an average of THREE text messages a day and the occasional phone call. Paolo said my love life is "makulay". That's because I only point out the good stuff. I've been too optimistic for too long I guess. He might not even transfer here next year. Where does that leave me? Alone. For the next three years. I can't do that.

I'm not the quintessential hopeless romantic 17-year old. I have the brain of a thirty-something woman, so my grandmother says. I am not the girl who stays around all day pining for a text message. THIS BITES. I love Paddy. I do. But I'm 17 damnit. I can't be tied down like this forever. I don't want to wait until it all goes too far. I need this fixed. I'm starting to think I'm too young for this.

17 months. :]

I couldn't find words. So I guess here it goes. I know we're not getting married yet, but still... I miss you. These are the most beautiful words I've heard in a while. They're yours now.

****

{From Grey's Anatomy, Preston Burke's wedding vows.}

"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you.

I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health.

I could say till death do us part.

But I won't.

Those vows are for optimistic couples,

the ones full of hope.

I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope.

I am not optimistic.

I am not hopeful.

I am sure.

I am steady.

I'm a heart man.

Take 'em apart,

put 'em back together,

hold them in my hands.

I am a heart man.

So this, I am sure.

You are my partner.

My lover.

My very best friend.

My heart.

My heart beats for you.

And on this day,

the day of our wedding, I

promise you this.

I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands,

I promise you...

me."

*****

[This one you know very well. Yvaine? Stardust. :) ]

But to see the way that mankind loves...

You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful.

So yes, I know that love is unconditional.

But I also know it can be unpredictable,

unexpected,

uncontrollable,

unbearable

and strangely easy to mistake for loathing,

and...

What I'm trying to say, Tristan, is...

I think I love you.

My heart...

It feels like my chest can barely contain it.

Like it doesn't belong to me any more.

It belongs to you.

And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange.

No gifts.

No goods.

No demonstrations of devotion.

Nothing but knowing you loved me too.

Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

Top three boys. :]

MY TOP THREE BOYS/MEN

Don't change them!
- Enter their names in order
- Be honest
- Repost this so your friends can do
it to
BOYS put down your top GIRLS
GIRLS put down your top BOYS

1. PADDY. DUH.
2. Zeke (okay. sige. fine. nag tag eh. :) )
3. William Patrick (bcoz i know you're reading this right now.)

1. Would you date any of them?
already dating number 1, not really number 2 [peace! haha. weird 'yun eh.], and will marry number 3 if i'm still single by age 35.5 :)

2. Are you older than 2?
TSSYEAH. Zeke's a kid. :)

3. How did you meet 1?
Paddy's one of the best things in high school. :)

5. Do all three of them know each
other?
Ish. except for two and three [they don't know each other]. but they all know paddy waddy exists. :) popular sya eh. hahaha

6. Where is number 1 right now?
My heart. HAHAHAHA. WHOAA. joketime. Cebu,baby.

7. Have you kissed any of them? If so,
who?
William and PADDY! Haha. Sorry zeke. Again. Missing out on all ze action. :p


8. Who have you known the longest?
Paddybaby. :]

9. Who have you known the shortest?
William. Haha. like, 5 months ago. :p

10. Who did you talk to last?
Williaaam. We talked about our wedding plans. :)

11. Have you been to any of their
houses?
Paddy's three houses and tita's house. William-Duh. Surigao (Siargao.. :) ) so sa Molave lng. Dorm ni Zeke. :P

13. Are you taller than 3?
Hmmm. malapit naaa. :)


14. Who's most likely to repost this?
WALA. :]


15. Is any of the top 3 your family?
Paddy's my husband. William loves me like a younger sister. And Zeke seems to be under the impression that i'm an aunt. wweeeirdooo. :]

16. Have any of them ever seen you cry?
ALL THREE BABY. HAHAHA. They really wouldn't be in my top 3 if they didn't. :)

17. Would they be there for you?
So far.. YEAHH. Lalo na si number one. :] and william carries my shtuff and buys me food. yum!

20. Whom do you talk to the most?
Nowadays, si william. Paddy nightly calls only. William an i have a radio show. We could go on FOREVER.

21. Who knows the most about you?
Paddy. Hands down. Hahaha. :)

24. Does have the same b-day as you?
Naaaw.

25. Would you go to jail to protect
number 1,or 2 ?
HMMM.. Yeahh. but Paddy won't approve of it. Come to think of it, niether would wanna see me in jail. :P

26. Do you know # 2's middle name?
Uhhh. TROUBLE. :] tama?

28. Do you go to school with number 2?
used to. :p

29. Is number 1 a really good friend?
And boyfriend. :) Hi, Paddy!


30. Are you dating number 2?
Haha.. nawww.

32. Whom are you closest with?
Paddy. Duh. BOYFRIEND.

There you go. :] GTG na. :)

i love you because you're my bacon baby

"Choir practice babe...6 to whoknowswhen"

Paddy has been very busy these days.
Their choir is putting on a concert.

Choir practice.
Choir practice.
Choir practice.

I support each and every endeavor that he undertakes but sometimes I just want my boyfriend all to myself.

Oh well.
At least he's at choir practice.

Word post

Since there is no internet (the bitchin’ network won’t let me access it!) I have no idea when you people can ever read this. That’s just plain sad I know. But there’s not much I can do except maybe pray really hard that it gets fixed by tomorrow. What else is there for me to say? Today’s date is March 4, 2009. It’s 8:42 p.m. Let’s see when I can get to post this, okay??

Now, I really have no idea what to say seeing as how things are pretty sucky as of this moment. I guess this is God’s way of making sure I do my term paper instead of slaving away in front of the laptop doing completely useless stuff. But whatever.. I DO have a lot to do though.

One good thing about today is that I FINALLY got that thing that I wanted but didn’t wanna say out loud coz it might get cursed.

I HAVE NEW NYLON!!! Yes. You heard/read that right. After months of waiting for NYLON to show up in the SC’s bookstore, they FINALLY got a new copy. And it’s on my bed as we speak. Okay, it’s not necessarily new per se, but the only things they got are the back issues. Girlfriend’s in the third world, remembah? So even if I can’t get my skinny little fingers on a new issue, I’m very much contented with the back issues. My current “new ” one is the September 2k8 one. The one with the 90210 girls on the cover. No, I don’t mean Tori Spelling.

Jessica Stroup looked freakin’ hot! Then again, she always does.

I have a toothache. And it actually hurt a teensy bit more when I typed that one out. *sigh*

I wish my boyfriend were here so he could do something to ease the life’s a bitch vibe brought about by the internet connection (or my lack thereof) and the excruciating (okay, a leeetle bit exaggerated but whatevs) bone ache I’m having… He always makes me feel loads better.

I remember one time when I was on my first day of my period. I had cramps and I was getting royally pissed with the world. I was upset about every little thing! So I took it out on Paddywaddy (this isn’t the first time). I remember trying to break up over a text message that came thirty seconds after I expected it. I wanted him to call. I wanted him to reply to my text messages with lightning speed. I called him names, spit out swear words like a sailor, and suspected him of cheating on me. Needless to say, I was girlfriend from hell. What did Paddy do? He’d tell me he understands that I’m on my period that’s why I’m having mood swings blah blah blah.. Why don’t I take a nap? Naturally, that pissed me off even more! But I did get a long and angry nap, and when I woke up I felt loads better and Paddy wasn’t mad at me at all! He was like, “How was your nap, babe? Are you feeling better? Did my Paigey drink her pain killers? ” that’s it. No “I never want you to do that to me again.” Or even a “I was upset with what you did please don’t do that again.”

I love Paddy. He’s the bestest. And I’m seeing him again this summer! Hooray!

I know I sound like the quintessential 17 year old with a boyfriend but I’m really really happy and I have no idea how long this lasts so I’m enjoying every moment.

**

I remember a time in my notso distant past that all I ever thought about was what would happen if Paddy and I broke up. I began to dissect every aspect of the relationship looking for little molehills that might turn into mountains. I was afraid he’d get someone new and ditch me or whatever. I kept thinking to myself “What if he’s not the one? OH NO! ”

Then I realized that was stupid. Really stupid. I guess now I’ve learned that you really do have to take it one day at a time. Stop thinking about the what-ifs that might never even happen. For me, what’s important is that both parties are happy in the relationship and that you have shared goals and expectations.

As far as I know, we both seem content with what we have and we both want to finish college, get jobs… and after that… who knows?

The long distance thing is hard. But look! After almost year we made it! Yay! I know long distance puts quite a strain on couples, especially new ones like ours. I was so scared at the beginning of the school year because whenever friends hear that I’m in a long-distance thing, initial reaction is usually “Mahirap ‘yan” or “Those never end well.” I think it’s done us more good actually.

You see, being away from each other, especially during the first year of college, allowed us to explore other options and experience things we wouldn’t have if we were at the same school, attached at the hip. I don’t think I’d be that open to new things or I’d have as many friends if Paddy were here. Not that he’s preventing me, but I guess it’s because of he were here, I’d focus all my attention on him instead of widening my horizons. We’d take up a lot of each other’s free time. I guess what I’m trying to say is this, the long distance allowed us to be ourselves.

To really maximize our potentials as individuals and not as a part of a couple. I was able to find out the things I want to do on my own instead of making sure Paddy was a part of every little thing I do. And despite being two, separate, and quite (different interests-wise) entities far away from each other, we managed to stay together. I guess that’s an accomplishment, more than anything else.

Congratulations to us, babe.

We deserve it.

:]

Sweet 16

Okay. This is so late, i know.
But just so you know, world, that on February 26, 2009, Paddy and I have been going out for
SIXTEEN GREAT,AMAZING AND FANTASTIC MONTHS.
And I'm an incredibly happy girl.
That's all.
:]

I had to do a paper for Soc. Sci 3 on the ABCDE's of love/relationships (Attraction, Building, Continuation, Deterioration, Ending). It was due on Feb. 26 as well. How fitting.
Here it is. :)

ABC…DE?

Attraction

On the first day of class, freshman year, a good-looking boy classmate of mine was made to introduce himself by demonstrating, step-by-step, how one eats at the cafeteria. Never having had the chance to talk to him before, I never realized what a good English speaker he was. He spoke it fluently and with a great accent to boot. That was a big bonus! He was pretty good-looking too. By the time the first months of classes were over, quite a number of the higher years were already eyeing him. I knew I didn’t have a shot. I told myself he’d never go for me anyway. My proof? During tech class (this is still in first year) my guy classmates decided to quiz him on which girls in class he found attractive. He would either nod affirmatively or shake his head. I’m not exaggerating this, but since I was at that table (the only girl there, mind you), I was the last to be mentioned, maybe because they forgot I was a girl. I strongly opposed being judged! Everyone was waiting for his answer, but it didn’t take long since at the mention of my name, he almost immediately shook his head furiously! Imagine the nerve! That bastard! Needless to say, I was hell bent on ruining his life or some variation of that. I remember seeing him in school at one point (and he was looking pretty cute then), my friend and I said “Sayang, cute sana siya, kung hindi lang siya gago.”

Fast forward three years, senior year. Despite what happened in first year, we slowly became friends and by senior year, we were best friends. He would tell me all about his crushes, the girls he was going out with. These girls happened to be my friends. And I admit to being the least good-looking one in the group. It sucks being friends with good-looking people since you’re almost always over-looked and guys are bound to use you to get to them. I was okay with that set-up I guess. I’d get his crush (my roommate!) to be his prom date and stuff like that. We were best friends. Period. Then one day, the school paper decided to have a hottest couple on campus survey.

I laughingly nominated us, thinking I’d be the only one to vote for us anyway. As it turns out, we have a larger fan-base than I imagined. We got second place! Second only to the prom king and prom queen tandem (Yes, they were going out, surprise, surprise). Apparently other students noticed we had some kind of chemistry. After that I began noticing him more than just as a friend and I think he felt the same way. During one of our field trips, my friend told me he liked me. I didn’t believe her, so I decided to go up to him and ask him if he did. I was never able to ask him and I ended up running back to my room, frustrated at myself. He didn’t even go after me!

After one hour, there was a knock on our door. It was him, in the rain, and he told me yes, he liked me. More than as a friend. I stood there dumbfounded and unbelieving.

Building

We started hanging out as “more than friends but not really a couple”. It was hard to place a line since way back then we were already hanging out. We were best friends after all. There was no formal courtship thing. I knew him inside out anyway. We were both playing it coy, watching movies, trying to hold hands, blah, blah, blah. Then one day, we both kind of got fed up and we ended up kissing.

Continuation

Nine days later, he gave me his dog tags and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. We started going on dates, telling our parents and friends. We were a couple now! My first boyfriend! I was his first as well. This went on for three months.

Deterioration

Three months later, I realized I wanted to get back together with an old flame. He gave me a week to decide for sure. I was sure. I knew I wasn’t perfectly happy.

Ending

I said goodbye. I told him I needed to sort things out with myself first. The “old flame” was a good friend. He told me we weren’t going to work out. “Go back to him” he told me. I didn’t want to. I wasn’t happy.

Today, it’s been 16 months since Patrick Fortunato asked me to be his that night of October. We’re together again after that unnecessary end. We’ve had lots of fights, arguments, break-ups, but I always end up running back to him. And he’d wait. He’d always wait for me with open arms. I’m happy he never gave up. Not once. I’ve met his family and we’ve spent vacations at each other’s houses with each other’s families. We’re very happy.

The old flame? I think he’s going out with someone else. We’re good friends.

******

I'm sorry I broke up with you then.

I love you, babe.

blue gatorade and hashbrowns

Okay. You're giving me kidney cancer, here.

*****

I promise, promise, promise to post pictures of the Loverage 3 soon.

****

I got myself into Loverage the easy way (thank you POPES for the backstage pass), then a tattoo, some polariods, and a couple of drunken (SLR) shots later, i found myself on Mcdo with the birthday boy, where we eventually fell asleep. Woke up at 6 in the morning and took a cab back to my dorm. Set my alarm (and missed it!) for my Chem 16 review. Which i was obviously late for.

****

I'm doing random stuff here.. Because I can't think of anyting else. I have a Chem 16 exam, a paper, and command and conquer [RED ALERT 2!] to get back to. Basically it's all sooo... malabo. My last post was about another crazy weekend. and so is this one. Scratch that. I had a crazy week. Period. What with Dom coming over to visit and all. lalalala... More about that next time. Sorry!

*****

I hate V-day. I refer to it as Single Awareness Day as well. Yes. I'm not single. But do you see him anywhere? Huh? NO. Last night, Rachel had a date. And a rose. Nikki won't leave Popes's side and endured the stench from the portable toilets for him. Zaldy had a bag of chocolates and a letter. I had... nothing. [Except maybe for my brief love affair with William Patrick in the photo booth, but that's an entirely different thing.]

I don't want to break up though.

Just to be clear.

******

Oh yeah. Before i forget. I still really really like you. Happy Valentine's day, shamu.

Okay, I love you.

UPDATES:

Breaking up is weird. So we decided to stay together. So malabo.

I think code name: ADDU put gayuma in the durian candy I ate.

Still, he's a gentleman and he got our Washey oranges when I asked him too.

Sana mas cute siya, but well.. You can't have everything, diba?

I heart "generous friends" every girl has GOT to have one. They're fuun.

And to my secret, only-paddy-knows crush:
I think you should go out with me.
Valentine's day is near.
Go out with me? Please?
Okay. Fine..
Still.

........

I love this video!!!!!

TRUE LOVE! ♥. Ewan ko sa'yo, Paige.

........

Crush? Ganito lang 'yun.

Yes. Your livejournal..

[liar,liar?]
Basta.
I love you na, nga.

{ Paddy, DON'T GET MAD. You know me. ;) }

His New Year's Resolution

Stop dressing like crap. Ever the supportive girlfriend... Ta-dah! Anyway, Paddy dearest, I think you're onto something with the loafers. Chuck Bass kept wearing loafers. Even on the beach! Hahaha.. Good boy. So.. Yeah. Here. They're all pretty shitty as compared to the other stuff I make, but we're not about the presentation, right? So here. Happy Shopping. (though i'd prefer you spend your cash on me, but that's just me.) Meloves you.

casual saturday's-p by whoopee

Casual Saturdays

I know you wanna don those loafers so there you go.

Loafers look best with dark colored shorts and those collared shirts you wanted.

Best get loafers in neutral colors or colors you'd most likely want in your wardrobe.

You love your aviators, I know.

But more than me?

Maybe.

[can also be used for school, so you don't get too sloppy.]




after soccer practice-p by whoopee

After Soccer Practice

I know you get cranky, lazy, and sweaty.

So shorts, slippers, and a graphic tee will do.

White shirts, black print.

Black, leather slippers.

Walk shorts are best here because they add polish to the slippers and shirt combination.

BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE WALK SHORTS PRINTS!

Again, less is more.

Add Ralph Lauren for extra oomph.

hanging out with your favorite girl-p by whoopee

Hanging Out with Your Favorite Girl

*cough cough

I cannot stress anymore on the importance of white shirts.

Or any shirt in a good, solid color.

If you find a shirt that fits you perfectly, BUY THEM IN EVERY (GOOD) FREAKIN' COLOR!

Dark jeans look sexy. Swear.

They even make your Stan Smiths look better.

A good sweater makes a difference. You were right about the stripes,love. So go!

Can be used for "lab days" for school.

As well as family things.

Remember: Throw on that cardigan/jacket!

They make all the difference between "school" and "occasion".

Accessorize! That's why you have TWO watches.

Aviators still rule.

P.S. If you still use that green backpack of yours, now's the best time to say buhbye.

Opt for a good messenger bag.

Preferrably in dark colors so it doesn't show when it's dirty.

******

I know I sound bossy, but I'd still like you even if you wore a sheet.Wait. I'd actually PREFER the sheet. Hahaha.. Kidding. Tap. Tap. Tap. :))

OMG.

I know right? I checked out his facebook and his "friend" (I'm totally getting busted for this!!) posted on his wall! (Awwww.. Soo cute.) I was shocked to the highest power that I freaked.. Okay. Enough. Giving myself away already!

*******

I like reading celebrity blogs. And a certain blog makes me wanna eat cake. Guess, guess. Anyway, I was following Lily Allen's blog on Myspace when I checked out Katy Perry's blog. She looks cuute! Really. Now I feel like I'm cheating on Lily Allen. Oh well. The screenshots look really tiny though.

*******

I've been feeling more of a loser lately. This isn't my fault? Maybe. I wanna wrap all of you up in re-used Christmas wrapper and ship you off to Easter Island.

Wait. The Bermuda Triangle. So you'd be lost forever.

******
P.S. I love it when you say *bleeep*. To me it sounds like "I love you." I pretend it does.

[Paddy, this isn't you. But you know this. And only you know this because Imma tell you when you wake up. Benefits of having your best friend and boyfriend all rolled into one.]

Patrick David

Tell me it's "pointless" one more time, and I'm kicking your huge Trekkie butt.


Love, Paige

Dear crush,

I like hearing about you. A lot. Hahahaha.. OMG. I'm so serious na. If we meet, I will absolutely die. I think I'll see you on my wedding day. (If I marry Paddy, that is.) You're totally invited! Shucks. Am I saying too much? Am I giving myself away? Nooooo! Hahaha... I can't wait til Paddy gets home so we can make kwento. :)) I love my boyfriend.

My biggest fear?

From my Multiply:

I've seen both sides of the coin.

And I've forgotten what it was like to lose someone that was your everything.

This is a selfish sentiment more than ever:
But I can't possibly imagine growing without Paddy.
I don't wanna break up with him.

EVER.

I've seen happy people break up.
It effing sucks.



[ Dear God:
Please let me be as stubborn as ever 200 million years from now and onto eternity.
(this is how long i plan to stick with Paddy).

Please don't let me lose the one I love like shake, shake fries.

Please remember that he loves me like seashells and goldfish.

I'm sorry I made him cry.
I'm sorry I don't seem to take care of him.

I promise to be better.

Please don't let us break up.

EVER. ]

******

Yeah. I'm pretty paranoid. I know. But it's happened to the best of us. And I don't want it to

happen to me. EVER. I'm perfectly happy. Very happy. Please God. Please.

PADDY! CALL ME!

I just Googled my secret crush's (ex?) girlfriend.
I was so happy with what I found.
It's craazy boy. Whooot.
I've been ringing up Paddy to call me so I can make kwento.
He's my super best friend. ONLY HE KNOWS WHO MY CRUSH IS. Hahaha..
Baby, CALL ME!
NOW!
I have chika. :))

Let's play a game.

I have a secret. And only Paddy knows. I have a crush on my idol. Aaaaaaand it's NOT Paddy, mind you. Who's that guy??? :)) *sigh Paddy approves, btw.



[Note: USELESS POST. but I can't post this on multiply. 'stoo secret. haha]

Well.

Paige meets Paige.

Why not the world??

*****

I should be talking about significant things. Somehow, I can't. There seems to be too much going on. Maybe next time. When the world stops spinning too fast. Mortality sucks. Big time.

[Yes. I know. You expect better insight from a 17-year old who happens to miss him awfully? I just learned to not see the things that hurt.]

Slip.

My Howie Severino Interview






Paige at work.








My beloved sister/photgrapher

Proof baby. Woot. The greatness that is PAIGE. :)

*******

My favorite boys

The nerd I love is in red.





Days in the covered walk were never as sweet.




Happiest.


The graduates. My other research group. Plus Nikko. :)







Wipe that confused look off your face,honey.

***********

That's all for now. Paper to work on. BIG test.

[Credits to: My biological sister, France, Nikki, and Reina. You're all loved like crazy, biatches.]

we sleep together.

the one moment where everything felt right. even though they weren't.